Am i only a mother? Can’t i disconnect myself sometimes? It appears to me that i can’t….
I was talking to my friend the other day, a fellow mother while we were out getting some fresh air with the little ones. We talked about our life’s, that how much we liked to party, not necessarily the big club going, disco dancing kinda party but the home drinking with friends, talking kinda party…
I remember, vaguely how i was before i became such a responsible parent. I used to drink 4 tequila shots and drive a few streets to get an extra bottle of Jack and drink some of that also (with friends obviously and not as often but we’d hit it like 4 or 5 times a year). Hell we were even drinking jack with salt and lemon like it were tequila… 🙂
I remember playing poker at a friends house every time he could get home from abroad where he is working, drinking energy drinks and sometimes beating the shit out of the guys in Texas hold’em, obviously if you ask them they will say that never happened!
I looked forward of the time when my little one would stop breastfeeding and i can drink some after he fell asleep. Yeah that time came, a few month ago, i even prepared for it, i stocked up my favorite wine and some other things.. Surprise surprise when i drank a half of glass of wine i was full, and dizzy and just sick from my stomach. exactly this happened with my friend about whom i was talking about earlier. So is this a thing? that you can’t relax when you become a mother?
To think that there were times when i drank 3 Long islands and i danced all night, now I’m just worrying about how my baby sleeps, if he ate all his food, etc.
Also when a friend or anyone visits us, i am “banished” to the floor with the little one to play and take care of him and their conversations are just passing above me, i cant really take part in it, i feel like I’m ignored and considered also a child, it takes me back to the time when i was little and always wanted to take part in the grown ups conversation but always felt their unappreciative looks. None of our friends have kids yet and they aren’t even close of having a family so i guess i’m just not lucky to share the floor with another mother.
But when our relatives come to us to visit who have kids the situation shifts i am suddenly “too cold”- they say- because i don’t jump up and down to hold their kid or to play with him, i am usually a reserved person i open up really hard and it takes time for me to feel comfortable with other people, especially other peoples kids. i don’t like to educate them if they do something stupid i don’t think its my place and i know if someone else tries to educate my kid i become angry so i try not to interfere in other families lives, they often take this as if “i don’t like them or their kid “.
There are so many expectations to live up to when you are a mother that sometimes its really overwhelming.
We are leaving tomorrow on a vacation so i hope i would be able to relax a little bit. I sure will be back with experiences about a first vacation with a 14 month old. I hope that i can find myself and figure out if i became strictly a mother or if i still have some fun in me.
Bye bye, I’ ll be back soon!