Hello all!. i have been neglecting my mommy blog for a time now, concentrating on my photo blog and i am really happy to tell you that i feel a little success on that part, i got really amazing feedback there and lots of likes.

But it is time to post here too, especially because i stumbled upon something interesting. As the title of my post says it’s about vaccines. I recently turned my attention to the MMR vaccine and its possible side effects. Well i read lots of articles about vaccines since my child was born, just to get informed about them and i was aware of the alleged link between some vaccines and autism. I just thought that it’s impossible for the vaccines to harm us, or to be more accurate i thought that doctors can’t possibly recommend vaccination if they aren’t 100 % sure of their safety.

Cutting to the chase i saw this documentary called Vaxxed and i am shocked since then. I sincerely recommend to everyone to just watch it.


Seriously i am afraid to even think that what is presented in here is true. because that would mean to admit that even though i was suspicions about vaccines i still endangered my kid because i trusted that scientists do their jobs and provide us with safe medicine. Although this documentary talks mostly about the USA this MMR vaccine is available and mandatory worldwide, everybody is endangered and after this documentary it just seems to me that all the population of earth has a mark put on their backs.

You can’t trust anyone.

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Well I’m here with a new post, and i want to talk about why i am so frustrated.

Here are the facts:

– 5 diapers consumed each day

– 10 to 15 wet wipes a day

– 2 and  a half hours spent feeding him every day

– 1 hours spent cleaning him up after feeding him

– 1 and a half hours spent walking, or taking him to places every day

-1-2 hours spent on making food

-gathering toys around the house all the time like 20-30 times a day

– taking 4-7 attempt to go to the bathroom alone until i actually succeed. The best hide and seek game ever.

– being very cautious with medicine administration when he is ill, which is constantly since we started kindergarten, even if he goes only 3 hours a day.

– cleaning snot of of everything, and eventually ending up snotty myself, all over, from top to bottom.

i Think i could go on and on about this forever…..

If you add this all up you reach 7 hours of time, plus the 3 hours he is in kindergarten and 2 hours he sleeps, if i am lucky enough, well that adds up to 12 hours a day.

And i didn’t even mentioned doing the laundry, or cleaning the house, or eating myself, or taking a shower, no, i can manage without those perks.

It may sound as i am complaining but believe me i am not, i know what i signed up for from the beginning. i just want everyone to know that being a full time mom is not easy, even with help, even with a husband who is really there, it is still not easy. I just want some respect and acknowledgment or at least i don’t want to hear that i have it easy.

It’s simple, i hate when people think that if you are a stay at home mother you have all the time in the world to do anything you want, they think it’s a piece of cake, a walk in the park, easy-peasy, no sweat, simple as ABC, etc. Well it’s obviously not that easy, and being a mom you always try to do better, i don’t know how others feel, but when my kid is sick i take it really personally, i feel responsible, as i feel responsible for everything he learns and does, i have to teach him i have to mold him into a nice human being (not too nice, but nice enough). It is definitely hard and a great load of responsibility.

I am amazed that i even found time to put down these few paragraphs, i thought that if he grows bigger i would have some more time to myself, but i was wrong he needs more and more attention, and he gets more and more challenging. but i guess that applies to all the kids.

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Hello all.

I feel the need to make a switch, a move, a shift of my energy for a little while. I started a Photo blog, you can find it here:

I just want to focus on something beautiful for a while. In the last year i was so stressed out about my little boy that i lost sight of my passions, of myself totally. i was focused on him and getting him better. But i realize that at some point i have to accept that he is different on some level and this is not necessarily a bad thing. He is unique and since he is going to kindergarten his speech skills has improved significantly. He needs a lot of attention, but i can squeeze out some time for myself also.

This doesn’t mean that i will stop taking his diagnosis seriously, i just start to relax a bit. I need an active hobby, and photography was always one of my big passions. If you decide to check out my new blog, i welcome you with great pleasure. Besides i hope that i will be able to post here also, not as often but as my time and ideas allow.

I evolved a lot since 1 year ago when i started this blog, and i thank you all for yours support.

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The kindergarten experience!

Hey all.

Yeah yeah we are big now, we go to kindergarten. At 2 years and 2 month i thought that my boy would benefit from the environment and from the company of other children.

I am really pleased and happy to say that he likes it and he starts to repeat things, words, and imitate us more often. So in our case kindergarten is a success. Altogether he goes only 3 hours a day.

So here’s my list about why i think that kindergarten is useful even for kids who may be on the spectrum.

  1. He meets other kids, he is forced to socialize for a few hours a day.
  2. He has to participate in common activities like singing or group play.
  3. He learns how to eat alone, hopefully, with time.
  4. He is encouraged to imitate, and for us this was a big step. He tries to show us at home what he learned in kindergarten.
  5. I can see him curious about everything.

And this is only after 2 weeks. I hope that in the future i will have even more advantages to write about.

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It’s not likely that you ever forget being a mother once you become one but if you do, there are some things that remind you constantly and anywhere you might be.

The other day i was taking a shower, alone, and when i was finished i took a long look in the mirror. I can barely recognize my body. Being a mother is exhausting but when you are actually alone, or having some relax time, even than you can’t forget about your responsibilities.

I have reminders, lots of them. Looking into the mirror they are really obvious to me.

-my hair – well that wasn’t really pretty before either, but it has periods of falling out then growing extremely, and it never stays in place.

Imagini pentru bad hair

– my breasts – well that’s a sensitive topic. Back in the good days they were small but looked good. during pregnancy they were big and amazing and then after breastfeeding they got big and they got that hanging, dangling, wiggling thing going on… not pretty, at all.- =- Untitled.jpg

-my scars/stretchmarks – well they are everywhere, on my breasts on my belly…sometimes i feel like an exposed zebra. It’s interesting that my c-section scar is barely visible but the stretch marks they are there like never before.

-sweating – that’s the most embarrassing and uncomfortable thing. and it makes sure that i never forget about it. sometimes even after shower i start to sweat and in a blink of an eye i am a smelly skunk.

-then there is the hardest thing, doesn’t matter how much you struggle you won’t be able to get back in your old shape… well unless if you are really lucky.

-sex drive? – besides the most obvious and visible reminders there are others, that only you can feel, and they can be challenging. it’s 2 years since i gave birth and my sex drive is still nowhere to be found, believe me i looked for it very thoroughly.

In conclusion i wear these reminders proudly and i am willing to do everything for my boy, but it sure would be nice if i could afford a couple of plastic surgeries, or maybe these kinds of surgeries should be free for mothers.


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Rolling kidney stone!

Have you missed me? not so much. probably you haven’t even noticed that i was post-less for a while now.

Well just so you know it was horrible for me too!! Here’s the story.

I woke up one day with some pain in the abdomen and i went to the ER to check it out! first i thought i have some gynecological thing so i went directly there to get a consult. It was horrible,i had to wait several hours and my countries hospital system is a horror movie scene at best. They said that i have ectopic pregnancy, and they wanted to admit me into the hospital for stay and maybe to surgery. I knew that diagnosis was bullshit because i am on the pill and i just finished my period 2 days earlier so i left, i had to sign that i refused treatment.

By the time i got to the other ER i was having serious pain, and i had to wait 3 hours until they gave me some medication for that, i was sweating and trembling in the same time. Finally when they actually looked, they discovered that i have a kidney stone on the way down and some sort of kidney failure because of it.

The next day i had to go to the urologist, at another hospital, i still had pain  and they admitted me into the urology section and they scheduled an endoscopy (i think that’s what it is called) for the next day. I suffered 4 days of pain until they got the stone out, and it had only 3-4mm. The doctor said that it was making damages for weeks now, but i didn’t noticed it because i wasn’t having any serious pain.

Now you may think that my suffering was over, yeah i thought that way too. But NO. Several hours after the intervention the pain came back again, just to discover that i now have a blood clot instead of the stone and that’s making my kidney nervous enough. So here we go again with the pain medication. It took only 4 more days to get rid of all the blood clots forming inside my ureter. So yey after almost 2 weeks of pain i am stone and clot free and not in pain anymore.

But obviously my happiness can’t last long enough because i have several little stones around my kidneys, and they can decide anytime to embark on a journey down.

Now i have some medication and lots, i mean lots of bruises on both of my arms because our sweet nurses can’t even collect blood or place an iv properly. Of course if i would have given them some motivation maybe they would have considered me human too.

I wasted 2 weeks of my time with that stupid stone, and i am very grateful to my husband, who took care of our little boy every day and he managed to work and to visit me in the hospital, he was a great help and he is a great man.

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Must haves in the first weeks!

It’s time to write about mothery stuff again! It’s been a while since i wrote something useful, i was whining and moping and feeling poetic but that has to stop, at least for now. I have lot’s of emotions and feelings to write about but when i would start the actual process of writing the words escape me and they run so far and fast that i can’t really catch up with them. I was reading some great blogs today and yesterday and i think i would never become that skilled of a writer to capture the emotions like those exceptionally talented bloggers do!

Today i will stick with my advice giving talents and i want to share with you the list of must haves at home for the first days and weeks with a newborn.

Before i write a list i would like to emphasize that when you come home from the hospital with a newborn you most likely will have visitors, less or more, but they will come to see the little prince or princess. You must be prepared or to accept the visitors or to turn them down with extremely good excuses. In my opinion the first week at home should be only mom, dad and little miracle time, but regardless i couldn’t stop the visitors to come either.You will need to serve them with some drinks and stuff, so it’s good if you have something prepared.

Now to the important stuff.

  1. First you need clothe for the baby, different size and colors. Not too much though, the above mentioned visitors most likely will surprise you with clothing and toys
  2. You must definitely need to have a crib, even if you would end up sleeping with the baby. besides the crib is great for decoration also, and you can use it to store diapers and other stuff too 🙂
  3. a sleeping bag, for me it was absolutely necessary, this way i could stop worrying about him getting cold at night.
  4. pacifier, well if you decide to use one. Or if you don’t have a choice because the little prick always needs a titty in the mouth.
  5. baby milk powder, just in case mommy factory shuts down unexpectedly.
  6. bottles, bottle warmers, sterilizer, things like that.
  7. diapers, oh yeah lots of them, because in the first days you will change them like crazy, every hour just to be safe. and with the diapers comes wet wipes too but it’s better to rinse with tap water instead of wipes at least in the first few weeks.
  8. a bath tub, and other hygiene products, scissors, comb, wipes for the eyes and for the umbilical area (we wiped that with alcohol from the pharmacy), don’t forget about bubble bath, just that the little miracle can feel truly pampered with,  like in a spa.
  9. towels
  10. you need to have some basic fewer medicine at home, but you always need to talk with a doctor before giving any to the baby
  11. baby toys, the more the better, you can always play with them while he/her sleeps
  12. a photo camera, you need to make pictures of the heir to the throne and you must post a few on Facebook too. For your envious friends to turn yellow!
  13. a night lamp to give you some light when the dark times come.
  14. let’s not forget about the most important thing, EARPLUGS for the husband because he is a working man and he needs at least 7 hours sleep at night to function. It doesn’t matter that you wake up to feed the baby hourly, no, he needs hes beauty sleep!
  15. If we are talking about him than we have to talk about us to, you will need a huge stack of vitamins, and you need to start taking them right away, do not wait until your hair starts to fall out and you will look like Smeagol from the lord of the rings.
  16. you also have to be prepared with some calm music and children’s songs
  17. an equally important thing is that you have a doctor, a grandmother and an experienced parent on speed-dial, just in case. You may noticed that i carefully separated grandmother (of the baby) and an experienced parent (preferably a good friend of yours who already had a baby) because you will need a modern perspective and help if something happens and you will need a grandmother to help when you have stuff to tend too.

I hope i covered everything, i always have the feeling that i forgot some important stuff to mention.

May my wisdom help and guide you through the hard days!

Thank you for reading!

p.s. you absolutely need a crocheted hat for the little one, they are so cute in them!!!

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Birthday poem!

inside me

a life was growing

kicking, dancing,

sleeping, resting.

Nine month

felt like a beat

your birth

like eternity.

1 year passed,

we had some rest.

2 years gone,

and the rest will come.

Happy birthday to you

Because we love all of you!

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Today is a big day for us so i wanted to mark it with a post also.

It’s my little boys birthday. he is 2 years old now! Soon i can call him mister :).

It was a very busy day and a happy one too (i finally managed to incite only the people i wanted and avoid to make fake smiles and pleasantries to those who i don’t really like). Yeay me. My husband is slightly pissed about this because i am talking about some family members from his part of the family, and he feels obligated to invite them ( nothing serious, nothing which can’t be solved with a few beers). And because he (my husband) stopped reading my blog a while ago i hope i can talk freely. Honestly i would have hated to smile and serve people who don’t care shit about us only if they need something, or only when it’s a necessity to visit us (like  Christmas holiday). That’s that.

About my little boy, he has 2 years so hes not that little any more. he learns things fast and he is more sociable then before, at least with the familiar crowd. He doesn’t really talk yet (that’s our biggest worry). he has things that he says like when we go to bath he says bathbathbath (of course in our language) he says “i” “a” “e” and he points at the letter itself when he sees them. maybe he will learn to read first :). who knows.

He also understands a lot, when i call for him he usually comes but not when i call his name but when i say what we will do like “come to take a walk with mami” or ” come let’s eat” and he knows what i want from him. i don’t know how much i have to be worried because of the autism spectrum diagnosis. i definitely see that he is different and that he needs more time to learn things the usual toddler does by imitating but he learn others faster. my other worry is the eating, he only eats familiar things, and very little in general.

I know techniques to teach him speak but i don’t know how to explain to him that he needs to eat and to try different food and fruit. This is the hardest part for me.

But today is about celebration so i wish happy birthday for my little one and for anybody who celebrated birthday today!!


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Standing straight,

but hiding still

inside my skin,

a storm prepares.

No one knows,

no one asks.

What’s inside of me

that’s not their grief.

Pain, joy, fear,

hurt, laughter or a tear,

they are mine to bear.



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